My highest aim and how it relates to my yoga practice

I was asked to write a short paper on this topic for my yoga teacher training. here it is:

Practicing yoga was something I did not start with a serious mind or passion. I had a back injury and my high school’s athletic trainer suggested I take the yoga program offered at our school. Throughout my childhood I remember my mother playing some silly yoga class on her TV in her room, and I would sit and watch or sometimes even try, but I would quickly get bored and leave. When I started this class all I could think was that I just wanted my back to get stronger and then I’d be done. I didn’t even see it as a hard thing to do… until I tried it. Wow yoga was tough. After realizing this, my next thoughts were that I could not do it and needed to transfer out. But I didn’t.  

            I continued to practice, and realize that I was already a lot stronger than I was giving myself credit for. I fell in love with the empowerment I felt through yoga. My entire body felt more in sync than ever before. I began to practice almost every single day. It cleared my mind and made me love myself. I think every teenage girl should at least try yoga once, just once. To see if it empowers them as well. I think it could help boost a lot of self-confidence if they are taught to practice correctly. By that I don’t mean that there is only one way to practice. By practicing correctly, I believe you focus on your own practice and what makes you mind and body feel good. Everyone’s bodies and abilities are different, therefore it may become easy to get discouraged if you are comparing yourself to others.

            I have found myself comparing my body’s abilities to others at times, and becoming envious. Yoga is not about being envious or feeling inadequate. To me yoga is about finding your true self, loving your true self, and making your true self the best and happiest it can be. I always try to keep this in my heart while practicing. If everyone who tried yoga thought about their practice in this way, I think many more people would practice yoga. My favorite quote to remember, and to share with those who tell me they will never be “good” at yoga is, “Yoga is not about touching your toes, it’s about what you learn about yourself one the way down”.

            In summary, I would say that my highest aim is to love myself and to share love with others. I know that through teacher training I will be able to learn how to share yoga with others, and help them to love themselves and others more.

Laying in my bed with my head to the window is one of my favorite things. 

I don't have blinds or curtains on my window, being on the third floor with no near neighbors -they are pointless. 

Besides, I love the sky. 

So I'm laying here in my bed with my head to the window. Staring up at a cold winter moon. Tonight she is full, and her light reflects off the snow. 

I am not afraid of the night- just of the dark- so nights like these are my very favorite. 

This is the moon that sees my dreams and my prayers. The same view of Jupiter right through this bedroom window every night that I've had my whole life. 

This is the view I'm going to ache for, the one I'll have nightmares without. 

August is coming nearer, and though I am excited to move away, I will never be happy to see this view go.

So tonight I am writing in thanks. A simple sight of my moon, my moon through this old third floor window, fills me with gratitude for all the years I've slept here.

And gratitude for everything so lovely and kind in my life. 

I am blessed. Goodnight. 

Disgusting

So you'll end up with this awful feeling in your throat.
A bit like you need to puke.
And a bit like you need to scream.
But you won't be able to really decide between the two because they are both terrible.
Terrible is the way you'll feel though, so the actions go ahead and fit.
It's disgusting.
How did you ever come to feel this way, why'd you let it happen?
And you can let that disgusting salt water seep from your eyes.
It will taste disgusting.
Just like everyone you know. Disgusting habits. And disgusting carelessness.
Because when the bad comes, it comes all at once.
Terribly disgusting.

Pools

And the most beautiful thing has got to be the way your tears pool on the bridge of your nose when you're laying to your side and one cheek rests on the ground.
But it's one of the most saddening sights too.
There in that little pool of salty water are all your lost hopes, broken dreams, heart aches and sorrows, resting against your skin.
And it leaves a bad memory on your tongue.
Conflicting.


-B

Sometimes you can't be there for people, when you really really want to.

That sucks huh.

And it's because they, the one who is needing help or advice or a shoulder to lean on, is the one not letting you be there for them.

So you just have to wait, and that sucks too.

And you just know they are not coming to you for anything, unless the pain gets bad enough. And that's the last thing you want, for them to hurt like that. But at the same time the thought of them being close to you again is wonderful.


And so you're torn.

More talk.

You know, I think  it's good to write things down. No matter how silly or unbelievably mad they may seem.. It's good to have them recorded, so later you can go back and expand on that thought, maybe shed some new light to it. Or wonder what in the hell you were on that day and vow never to take it again.
I know I haven't been actually composing things lately. Short stories, or poems. Sorry about that, but my muse was  over used. Really it just up and walked out of my life for a time. But I'm sure it will be back, maybe in short bursts or maybe to stay for a time. I'm not sure yet. But for now I will share my thought trains, because as you have probably come to learn they are a bit wacky, but nice to ponder.
So here is a bit more to chew:

I know I have been playing around with religious subjects lately, putting strange spins on them, maybe insulting a few of you viewers, and I am sorry if so. But I'm not asking you to believe any of it, simply telling you what's in my head and giving you the allowance to mull it over, see how it tastes. So don't take this to heart, or do. I don't really care.
"God" is not real. Not in the sense I grew up learning any way. I believe in higher power. Because you yourself are a living breathing miracle. Ask any doctor or scientist. Child creation and birth is in so many ways, miraculous. And is you're old enough to be reading this then you should be able to grasp what I'm saying here. And if you're not getting it, then just stop while you're ahead because I don't explain much and my thoughts only get wackier from here.
So yes, I believe there has got to be something somewhere that is more than we can comprehend. But I'm not calling it God. No. For a long time I had a big giant problem with "God". I was so mad at him for many reasons, some personal, and some as public as the innocence of the Sandy Hook students. So yeah, I had a problem.
But this higher power is something I don't hold a grudge against, since I don't define it as a human, I have no knowledge of its emotional capability. For now I'm just going to say the higher power is around to make miracles, create beauty, and give people the warm fuzzies when they are doing something good or lovely. Kind of like a conscience, but for the whole earth and everything in it, instead of inside each individual being. Get it?

-B

More soul talk..

The sooner we figure out who we are, the sooner we will be at peace with ourselves. You are a soul. Souls have minds. You have a body. Bodies have brains. For your body to survive it needs health and nutrition. For you to survive, you- a soul, you need love and learning. So for each to survive you need health, nutrition, love, and learning. four things. But it's not that simple, expand on each. All four of those categories have many sub categories, and those sub categories have their own sub categories.
Get it?
You're a soul.
Clothes to a body is skin to a Soul. That's how it works. That simple. Now I won't tell you what to believe, but here is how I see it:
You're soul has had many bodies, and many not-bodies. Or At least I have. And I haven't quite figured out how to put it into words, how I know that my soul is an existence, and in my existence I have had many lives and will continue to have them. But when I figure out the words I will let you know. And I feel as though I have explained  this before, in another life of my existence. But I can't be sure, after all it is just a feeling. And I might be completely looney and this might all be wrong. But it might not be as well. So I am giving my instincts the benefit of a doubt, and telling you that I know this. Because really all that knowing is, is what is in your mind. Your mind inside of your brain. And these thoughts are inside mine. So I am a soul with a body. Like you, and everyone else.

-B