Ecuador.

EVERYONE! alright so i went to Cuenca Ecuador to serve in several orphanages. It was such a huge blessing. I am home now, but I wish I could go back. Here's some words about my experience:

            While I was away I was in Cuenca, Ecuador. I went with a woman I’ve known for a very long time that founded an orphanage there. I went as an O.S.S.O (Orphanage Support System Organization) volunteer. When I left I knew I was going to help children, however, I didn’t know that they were going to help me more than I could ever help them. While in Cuenca, I worked mainly in two orphanages in the city, and did several shifts in; a daycare for children who’s parents work 12-14 hour days in the fields just to earn ten dollars a month, another orphanage in the mountains, and a shelter for sexually abused girls and teens. Some of my jobs were to bath, feed, and watch the children. In all, I helped about one hundred children.

            In the O.S.S.O orphanage there is a section for severely, mentally and physically handicapped people/children. This was my favorite area. Most of the individuals in this unit can’t move their lower half, and some only have motion in their facial expressions. On my first day I was very nervous. I had no idea how to take care of these people. Some of them were older than I was. I didn’t know how to accept them. After my first shift I was positive that they were the most amazing people I had ever had the privilege to meet. It was them who accepted me. They have no families and constantly have to depend on strangers, yet they were so happy. No complaints, no fussing, just honestly stoked on life. It made me feel so horrible. I could not believe some of the complaints and demands I make in every-day life. These people have next to nothing and terrible health. Some are solely relying on feeding tubes in their abdomen to keep them alive. The orphanage has inadequate medical supplies and still does what it can with what it has. They are the true definition of happiness to me. The people of this country understand the difference between, “I want” and “I need”.

            One of the Handicapped boy’s stories truly astonished me. After hearing it I broke down in tears. Everything about the kids is so heart breaking yet so hope-instilling.vThis boy, Brayan, is about nine years old now. He has absolutely no movement in anything but his head and face. His body is deformed and he is bent and curled in unimaginable ways. As a volunteer I am not allowed to know his specific diagnosis, but I was allowed to hear his story. When Brayan was a small child, still one or two, his parents lit him on fire and left him in a dumpster to die because his condition was too much for them to handle. The police found Brayan barely alive and got him immediate medical attention, then took him to the orphanage. When I heard this I could not believe any human being in the right mind could do such a thing to a small child- to anyone. Brayan is surviving on a feeding tube now, and doesn’t have much time left- a year, maybe two. This story sounds terrible to you I’m sure, but to me it was ten times worse. Because I personally know this boy. I have put blended food into is feeding port. I have bathed him and dressed him in his P.j’s, his Sunday-best, put him in diapers. I’ve woken that beautiful boy up in the morning, I’ve held him. I tickled him and watched his big brilliant smile. I kissed his cheeks, I put him to bed, and I gave him love that I didn’t even know I could experience. This is only one of the people in this unit. One of 8, one of one hundred that I’ve helped. All the stories are equally heart  breaking. We call them “handicapped”, but I honestly think all of us “normal” people, are the ones with disabilities.

            I worked with children with better health too. But not by much. Most of the children have rotting teeth, snarly hair, and no sense of hygiene. It’s not their fault, they never learned and don’t have the supplies they need in order to keep clean. This doesn’t make them any less loveable. During my work I have contracted fleas. Yes I know that is pretty gross but it was completely worth it, and doesn’t even bother me. I am clean now though and have taken care of my clothing. My point is, I have so much that I’ve taken for granted. We all do. This was the best thing I have ever done with my life. I’ve fallen in love with these strong, beautiful warriors. These small examples, my adorable little blessings. I hope to continue to do work like this.

life saving

Pure sounds ricochet off the walls in my head.
Humming air.
Vibrating in through my ear canals and deep into my lungs Passing through the oxygen in my blood.
Sound carried to every corner of my body.
My soul is full. Momentarily content.
When the music of the sweet whining strings and bellowing woodwinds fills my atmosphere, I feel at home.
Relaxed.
Real.
My bones ache. Worn out from the sorrow my shoulders carry.
Always hunting for a way to pour it from me. To capture it in a glass bottle and set it to sea.
Or something of the sort.
An old soul ready to leave, to pass up the worldly distractions and hurt. But cemented in place by a young- capable body.
Withering away from the inside-out.
The only remedy to the pain is the songful chorus the sweet instruments project.
Not the fake, but the real. the original sound.
So true. So pure. So life saving. 

-B

When It Really Comes Down To It

So small. So misunderstood.
Without purpose, or so it seems.
I am a small black ant.
You, and the world, underestimate me.
I get looked past. Stepped on for fun.
But when someone looks close, we know they can relate.
So small. So misunderstood.
Without purpose, or so it seems.
We are all a small black ant.
We all get looked past. And stepped on for fun.
Look closely. You know you can relate. That a new understanding has surfaced in your mind.
Try to see what the world would be like without ants.
The picnics would never be the same.
Now, try to see what a world without you would be like.
It's terrible.
Isn't it?
Don't you feel sorry for those small, insignificant black ants?
For yourself?
No.
Just remember that you may be a small black ant.
But even they are worth so much. 
When it really comes down to it.

-B 

Diet Soda

Change.
It is inevitable.
But oh, how we resent it.
Change.
A constant.
But so unpredictable, so frustrating. How?
Change.
Hiking the switch-backs of life. Never ending.
Or so it seems.
Change.
Because one day you'll look back.
Wonder when you started drinking diet soda.
Or when you stopped drinking it at all.
Change.
Pathways changed.
Pathways crossed.
And somewhere along the way-
You Changed.

-B.

Feelings

Chills.
Waves crash on iron-shore.
Pushing, splashing the new feelings.
Up. Up and over until the iron-shore is submerged.
I am submerged. Drowning.
Soaked.
The iron-shore, worn down. Now sand.
Sharp, dark edges washed away.
My guard is down.
Feelings- water colors, brush the beach with foam.
Current.
The push and pull- high and low tide. Feelings.
Good feelings.              Finally.
Like warm sun on the waters, that smile. Those eyes.
Beautiful.
A sight to make the storms forgotten.
Almost.
The crash of waves on iron-shore will always leave a mark.
A mark on the surface, and one in the heart.
But...
It's the warm sun on the waters.
The sun that makes the sand hot and the shade cool.
It's that sun that gives me hope.
And for that.... I thank you.

- For C.

- B.

No Longer

You're a passing moment, almost gone.
The sweet old feeling that was always wrong.
A lesson of patience not rewarded.
A moment of hurt forever recorded.
Your words almost forgotten for good.
It's the actions I'll have trouble with, I never understood.
I think you're the kind that gets pleasure from my pain.
A person who likes to fill my clouded mind with pouring rain.
I'm ready for the sun to come out, something I long to see.
It's been far too long, life is still patiently waiting on me
I don't want you to hurt, It's just that I'm just done.
Putting up with your games, you're no longer My One.

What I look Like

This is what I look like asking, what I look like praying,
Begging even, that you only listen to what I'm saying.

But listen with your heart, not your ears but your mind,
My lips don't have the right words, or anything close to the kind.

This is what I look like aching, This is what I look like dying,
I've tried to be strong, but the happy girl you see has been lying.

Let's let out the truth, And let the world know,
This is what I look like loving you, and please don't let go.